On Celebrating Birth in Days: A Letter to My Unborn Child

Dear "Baby Campbell,"

As my thirty-second year of life begins, so will your first. Pretty soon you will be in my arms with the name Addison Rose or James Dominick and I simply cannot wait. Already, I feel as if I know you: the certain thumps around mealtime that are really hiccups, when you're waking up and stretching your little limbs to re-position, and the pushing sensation I feel from your little back against the wall of my belly when I massage it with lotion. I already know you like that!

During your time in my womb, I have experienced an overall pleasant pregnancy with only some nausea at the beginning and the standard weight gain, which is great for the both of us. Daddy and I have prepared your nursery way back in January and have been anticipating your arrival ever since. I've also been reading books and have been trying to tap into my teaching experience in order to get ready for parenthood, but honestly, none of that will teach me as much as you will. YOU will show me the way - what you like, dislike, and everything in between.

There are, however, a few things I wanted to share with you that no book or class could teach. Things that you should know and remember when navigating through this amazing yet complex world:

Always follow your dreams. No matter how big or small you may think they are, your dreams are important. Whether you want to study fossils or put out fires like Daddy, follow what your inner voice tells you. We will always have your back. But know that success is earned. If you put nothing in, expect nothing in return, so make sure to put in 100% effort. When I was a third grader, I wrote a diary entry that I later found as an adult. It said, "I can't wait to grow up and become an author and a teacher." Well, guess what? Through studying, attending college, and taking chances, I've done both and I couldn't be happier! I didn't know a soul who could navigate the way for me, nor did I expect someone to, so I paved the way myself.

Always have confidence in your abilities. Life is going to throw stones, curveballs, and maybe some trash onto your path as you grow up, but know that all of those things appear there to test your will, your strength. All of it is temporary. If you use your brain and problem solving skills, and keep your chin up and remember how smart and loved you are, nothing will stand in your way.

Appreciate the simple things. Material objects are cool (cars, clothes, money), but nothing beats the soft floppy ears of a dog (by the way- you have a dog and a cat!), the smell of freshly cut grass, or a blue sky on a cloudless day. Be grateful for all of these things as they are just as important and unique as you are. If you take care of nature, she will take care of you too.

Choose carefully. You will be asked to do or try things that you may have never considered before. Whatever they are, always think it through beforehand. Weigh your options, analyze the pros and cons of the situation. It's your life, but know we are here to help you come to smart conclusions and steer you in the right direction.

It's all right to make mistakes. All humans have since the beginning of time and will continue to do so to infinity and beyond. If someone tells you otherwise, they're lying. Every person has a flaw despite what they want you to believe.

And lastly, whether you are a girl or a boy (it doesn't matter), always be polite. Respect your elders as well as your peers. There will be times when your peers are cruel and mean. Simply walking away from their negativity and holding your head up high will make you the winner- even more so when it's hardest to do. People respect and help those who are composed, not the hotheads who yell, scream, and flail their arms around to get a point across. (The reality is, they really don't have a point to begin with.)

I love you Baby Campbell. You are already the biggest part of your father's and my lives. There is nothing the three of us can't do together. As a family, we can accomplish- and get through- anything. Nothing is impossible. The only thing I ask is that you love yourself as much as we love you.

Love always and forever,

Mom.

2010: The Year of Transitions

I've gone through transitions in previous years, but none like these. 2010 has been life changing on so many levels that my head should be spinning while pea soup is shooting out of my mouth. At some points during this year, I've felt on the verge of this breaking point, but now as I sit and think about it, I feel a sense of calm. The size of this serenity is undetectable to me, nor do I know if it's permanent, but it doesn't much matter. What concerns me most is remaining grounded. Engaging in marriage and becoming pregnant have been the most scary, yet the most profound. It forced me to reevaluate my workaholism, the alpha-female within, and warranted a prioritization of what's truly important in life. The outcome, for me, was figuring out that output, my obsession with non-stop productivity, at the end of the day, were in fact getting me nowhere gratuitously. There were accomplishments without fulfillment.

Wifedom and mother-to-be-hood, believe it or not, have forced me inward. Who'd have thought that two of the most selfless acts would cause a person to analyze one's self so intensely?

The Great Search!

We're on the hunt! More of a journey actually, and would like YOUR input. You see, the boy's name is a no-brainer since the baby would take my husband's name, so right now we are on the search for the perfect girl's name in the event that we have, you guessed it, a girl! There's a 50/50 chance of this happening, ya'll, and so I want to be prepared. Here is how you can participate:

First, review the short list of names below and pair them with my last name- Campbell. This helps to get a feel for the full name. Then, sign up to follow my blog so that you can leave a comment underneath this post. (There's no obligation or spam attached to this.) Next, enter your favorite name choice in the comment box and submit it for publication to this entry! You can even choose more than one name, but please label them "1st choice, 2nd choice, etc." The only thing I ask is that you leave your vote on THIS page, not on facebook.

Thank you!

GIRLS NAMES

Amberlyn

Victoria

Kylie

Charlotte

Chloe Lynn

Taylor Marie

Things in 3's

At age 31, you notice things. For some, you notice things earlier on, for others, not so much. For me, well, I've always been one of those little flying feathered creatures who occasionally caught the worm. In my life, I've recognized the fact that things happen in three's. For example, right now I'm typing this post with my right hand, eating strawberries n' cream oatmeal with a spoon in my left, and feeling the gooey mess of olive oil drip down the top of my head, which my hair is saturated in (a home remedy for dry scalp courtesy of Dr. Oz.)

You see, physical things I cannot juggle, like oranges or tennis balls, but tasks, well that's a whole other story! Or is it? Right now I am at the end of my first trimester of pregnancy. I'm also a newly married woman, and someone who decided to take a hiatus from the career world in order to re-learn how to breath and be me. At the beginning of these big changes, I was not achieving any kind of solace. I felt lost, confused, sick at times, and still baffled by a sadness that I thought would "go away" as soon as these things entered my life. WRONG. After a few weeks of hemming and hawing over "what now?" or thinking, "F*ck! I've made a huge mistake!", and in between bouts of all-day nausea that some MD mistakenly labeled morning sickness (hopefully that mishap wasn't a Dr. Oz doing), I realized that it's all right to take this time to do NOTHING. I mean that. I finally, at thirty-one years of existence, have figured out that I can do absolutely nada for a little while and that is perfectly ok. And, the best part is my husband actually promotes this behavior for me. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking and I agree completely- I've hit the lottery with him.

But wait, let's get back to my "three's theory" for one moment. Before my epiphany, I sat on my couch curled up in a ball and recapped the year 2009 in my mind. While doing this, I discovered that three major things happened: 1- I got engaged, 2- I sold my apartment, and 3- I changed location of employment hoping to seek greener pastures. These things made me happy at times and had me worried at other times. In other words, this b*tch was an emotional basketcase. Digging deeper into my past, 2008 had another three things: purchasing my apartment, meeting my future husband (who I can honestly say I didn't know would become my spouse at the time because I don't believe in love-at-first anything), and having the closest person to me move away- my mom. These occurrences made me sit and attempt to figure out who I really was, with or without these happenings. Who is Dawn? But, I didn't actually think to settle into my recliner and give this question serious consideration until two years later, which leads me to 2010.

It was when I had no job, person, or other stimuli right in front of me distracting me from myself. The hubby was at work, the television cable was out, and my dog was asleep. I was by my self. Alone. With my scrambled feelings of, "Oh f*ck" and "Did I do the right thing?" This is when I pulled out my handy journal and wrote down these three things:

1. Relax

2. Write

3. Breathe

If I do one or all of these things consciously every day, I know I'm in good hands. My own. And my thoughts will never be astray for too long.

Chicken Soup For This New Bride's Soul

My parents raised no bride. Nope. I was born and bred an independent person who jumped at opportunities that nurtured ambition and involved self-growth. Instead of picking up bridal magazines at bookstores as a teenager and later a twenty-something, I picked up creative publications with the hopes of one day living in the confines of my creativity. Honestly, I always pictured myself alone, working my teaching job by day and taking classes during the evening hours. Alone, I would harbor my passions and incubate the talents that kept me so preoccupied, that I loved them more than anyone.

Along the way, I admit I've encountered people- men in particular- that piqued my interest. At times, I strayed from my solo journey, curious about engaging in life as a unit. But this failed many times, as I only found myself further away from my self and what I wanted, just to be closer to my lover's expectations of life. Ultimately, these men mostly served as road blocks rather than pavers of an exciting and new path.

Until I met Jim.

That's when I discovered that a man - who was willing without my asking - embraced my love affair with the arts. He encouraged me to take more classes, read my writing aloud to him no matter what the topic (which was often about past loves- understandably uncomfortable and somewhat painful), and to continue on my creative journey. To this day, he often joins me and my laptop as we venture to cafes and the aisles of Barnes and Noble, simply to read and write (two things he does not consider a hobby for himself.)

Jim has undoubtedly become my rock. He is the chicken soup that my soul feeds on. It's no coincidence that his last name is Campbell, a last name that I, now a bride, will happily accept as my own.

Are You There God?

No, it's not Margaret, it's me- Dawn. You know, the petite Italian that is sometimes loud, mostly ambitious, yet can easily frustrate? Well, I'm here God (yes, I admit it's a rare occasion) and I want your help. See, you've blessed me with an *amazing* man (thank you!) and as you may have heard, we're tying the knot; no denying that this is a very new and exciting time for me.

But, I 'm not here for that. Nope. Actually, today I want to talk about futures. As you know, my life is in transition beyond the changing of my marital status. You see, work has not been satisfying for a great long time now and I'm in need of change. My heartstrings are pulling me in the direction of my creativity, but teaching is what I've known for almost ten years. My gut is trembling slightly for fear of breaking out of routine and structure (which it craves) and steady paychecks (another craving), but my gut is also whispering, "Do it. Do it. Do it." So, maybe this is a good type of scared? Can I be scared in a good way?

I've been mulling over the idea that maybe I can incorporate teaching into the new creative job...hmm.

Alanis Got Married...So Why Aren't I Happy?

Everyone who's anyone knows that I LOVE Alanis Morissette. Her music (every album) seemed to morph into the soundtrack of my life at the exact moment she released it. I always considered her my cosmic sister with similar journal entries, being Geminis, and having long brown hair (although I could never get my hair to grow thaaat long as an adult.) I've been to over 25 of her concerts in the New York area, met her twice, hung out backstage and in a bar with her bandmates after shows, and was front row center for her off-Broadway performances in The Vagina Monologues and The Exonerated. Yes, she was my Canadian-turned-American Idol.

- Her Debbie Gibson days didn't bother me (I mean who could blame a teenager growing up in the 90's? We were all train wrecks!)

- The man behind her first rock hit, "You Oughta Know," (Dave whateverhisnameis from Full House) didn't even bother me.

- Her former fiance, Ryan Reynolds, for sure did NOT bother me (especially when I met him backstage at one of her shows. He's super tall and uber nice!)

BUT...

I have to say that when I found out that she married some random thirty year-old skinny white Eminem wannabe who goes by the name of "Souleye," I was pissed. Actually, I'm still pissed. Is she serious?? With all of her heartfelt well thought-out relationships and feelings, why would she marry this guy after only dating for a year? I mean, is he THAT awesome? I remember gushing with her over the rock of an engagement ring at one of her shows a couple of years ago when she first got engaged to Ryan. But, she was clear that she wasn't hurrying into any wedding plans and was just letting it happen whenever the opportunity presented itself. That was the Alanis I marveled at.

I know I sound pretty judgmental right now and probably even insensitive, but dammit, I'm disappointed. I sniff another failed relationship here. With all of her supposed "lessons learned" I think scurrying off to get married is so past tense, so Britney-like. Where's the Alanis I adore who thinks and worries and fine-tooth combs through everything to make sure it's right? I hope she didn't do this just to mask any remnants of pain from her previous engagement. I'm hoping she didn't do it because Ryan ran off and married Scarlet Johansson so soon after their breakup. That would just suck. Especially for a first marriage. I was rooting for a Cinderella ending for Alanis. After all, she deserves it! Well, maybe she'll put it in her book that's due out by year's end. Eh, you know I'll be on Amazon purchasing an advanced copy of it regardless.